The Bearded Man has simple tastes. He's so appealing because he's a real ?salt of the Earth? kind of guy. So he doesn't think his expectations when it comes to love and romance are unreasonable. He's built a checklist of all the requirements that true love has to have for him to consider it. And again, he's sure that this checklist is perfectly fair. So here goes: 1) There has to be a wall of green lasers behind him, outlining his silhouette. 2) He (and his partner) have to be in a club of some kind, but it has to feel more like a rented-out venue than a club that people are currently in. 3) And most importantly, there has to be a fan blowing ever-so-gently into his face, letting his lustrous hair and beard wave in the breeze, highlighting his natural sexiness. I mean, REALLY. Is that *SO* hard??