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  • Release Date 2015-06-19
  • Label Monolith Rec
  • Catalog MRDG015
The idea is to alter the perception of people, who have little understanding of bi polar episodes.
Using vivid imaging, to show what it is like, with out using any speech, combining written words, images and audio.

Depressive episodes
It is during depressive episodes that BP-II patients often seek help. Symptoms may be syndromal or subsyndromal.[1] Depressive symptoms may include:
oLow energy levels
oCessation of usual activities
oBlack and white thinking
oUnrealistic pessimism
oOvergeneralization
oAutomatic thoughts
oMaladaptive assumptions
oDysfunctional personal schemas[7]
oThoughts of suicide
oIsolation from people

Each episode is subjective of the person that suffers it, we may have that one thing in common, but these are triggered by many different events in a persons life. With this I want to show what it feels like for me, when I find myself in a episode. The music from this project, was made when I found myself, drifting between depression and hypomania. Initially the music was made to capture what I was feeling at this time, with regards to events in my life, I had encountered. Also at this time I was writing about what I felt, Rather than explain what it feels like, it would be more effective to do this with the use of images, words and sound. Taking you on a distrubing journey, on what at times, seems like an endless cycle of dark.
In many ways you find yourself often in silence, trapped with fear of what life will bring in your way. Unable to reach out also, unsure of how long it will continue, or how much of it you can endure, before you break. The pressure of expectancy on you, as those around you, struggle to understand what is going wrong. Either through ignorance or not understanding, forcing you to seek isolation, unable to cope with social situations. Unless you have felt what this is like, it is hard to understand it. It is also hard to explain the depth that it goes to, at its very worst. Using the list of symptoms here as the spine of the visual aspect, with excerpts of my own words, along with other emotions, I will attempt to show what it is like.
You cannot escape something you will never be free of, in turn you must find a way, to live with the impact it has on your life, and find a better coping mechanism. When you feel asking for help is a display of weakness, how do you get the help you need. In these times people often assume there is nothing wrong with you, even those closest to you, as you attempt to hide everything on the inside.
Once you are in this state, you are pretty much a prisoner of yourself, breaking free becomes harder. At times the imagary and words will be disturbing, but that is the only way to give a sense, of that it feels like to be immersed in these type of emotions for sustained periods of time, becoming more unable to function normally the longer it goes on. The outlets of music and writing are a product of this, this is why they should be combined. Making it a somewhat personal project.
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