JULY 2017, AMSTERDAM, NL TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: WHILE PATROLING THE FORBID-DEN FOREST LATE LAST NIGHT, WE CAPTURED A HUMAN-LIKE LIFEFORM THAT WE BELIEVE MAY BE EXTRA-TERRESTRIIAL IN ORIGIN. THE CREATURE, WHO WAS ABLE TO CONVERSE IN BOTH DUTCH AND ENGLISH, TOLD US...