As a 5 year old boy Shur-i-kan's mum used to say to him 'you're going places'. Little did he realise that meant the orphanage - as the family had to make space in their tiny cardboard box house for sky tv.
The young whipper snapper didn't let such a life of impoverishment get him down for long as he quickly made a name for himself amongst the other abandoned children by organising deep house nights. Admittedly they didn't have any records or equipment but that didn't stop the little blighters dancing the night away imagining they were being caressed by the warming sounds of Kerri Chandlers soulful house flavours.
Every day the young lad would walk the 12 miles barefoot just to gaze longingly through the glass of the local record shop at the latest vinyl imports whilst being beaten mercilessly by well meaning passers by.
However such experiences are nothing if character forming, and soon after selling various internal organs to the town's butcher he eventually saved up enough to buy his first record.
Sadly when he got it back home it didn't turn out to be as good as it sounded in the shop and hence the moral of this story which is that digital is better than vinyl.
[You're fired - Ed]